5 Insights Swimming with a Shark gave me into the Resilient Mindset
Snorkelling in the warm currents of the Great Barrier Reef, my view of amazing fish and coral is suddenly obscured by a big grey shape. It is moving with me. Augh! A *#$^ BIG SHARK!
Immediately I begin to sharply suck in air, faster arms and kick – NO! Within that same breathe I realise NO, I must not signal panic to a predator. I control my breathing, keep it calm and even, swim smoothly as before rather than react – they told me reef sharks don’t bite, …breathe.
Because things look grainy under water, I tell myself this is TV and it isn’t really happening. It is happening. After a few strokes I don’t see the shark (good) – nor do I look for it. I hold my arm up to signal to the glass bottom boat crew – they wave back. Great. They think my distress signal is a greeting. OK, no support. Swim smoothly, breath smoothly. No shark. Signal again – they wave again. Swim toward the big yacht. By the time the glass bottom boat crew got curious and came over to me I told them it didn’t matter any more and I kept swimming for the big yacht. I had managed. Apparently reef sharks don’t bite.
You know from my blog and courses that I have a keen focus on resilience. So I’m always on the lookout for new insights and this article gave me exactly that. How People Learn to Become Resilient The researchers found that our resilience changes over time. Even those who previously were not resilient can learn to become resilient. It explains what was going on for me when I found my swimming buddy was a shark.
George Bonano’s work at Columbia University is based on the idea that we all have the same neurological stress response system. We use this to deal with stress – some more frequently or effectively than others. Some interpret a stressful event as traumatic and others see it as an opportunity to learn and grow. “We can make ourselves more or less vulnerable by how we think about things.” So living through adversity does not indicate the ongoing effects of that experience, but how we interpret it does. We can learn how to think about what happens in life differently – to reframe things in a positive light. That changes how we experience and react to stress in our lives.
Here are the 5 domains we need to focus on to learn to become more resilient, more able to swim with sharks (or handle the daily grind).
Develop Mind Muscle
The ability to see how you are responding to life and shift that response, takes practice. Learning to control your mind, instead of it controlling you is the objective of meditation, of mindfulness. Give some thought to how developing your mind muscle might benefit you. Try, an App (I am trialing three) join a group, or find a teacher. When I saw the shark I new that my response could change everything. Because I had learned how to, I new I could control my breathe and did it.
Choose your Perception
How your mind paints the picture or interprets the stressful event will dictate what happens next. You can learn to choose your response. Reframe it and find something you can work with.
o This is one narrow thing not an indication that my life is bad.
o I can change the situation rather than assuming it is fixed.
o Bad events aren’t my fault.
o What can I do to make this moment better?
Take Action
What action will I take – dwell in the fear, angst, unfairness, anger or see the way forward.
o Belief in your own ability to handle the cards you are dealt.
o Contextualize – how does this fit into the big picture?
o Problem solve – engage the logical mind
o Do something for someone else – shift your focus while your adrenalin calms down.
Connect
o Are you consciously building and maintaining your social networks? We are wired as social animals – we need to connect. Sometimes we can get caught up in the day to day and lose sight of the active role we need to play in maintaining relationships.
Communicate
o Are you using language that catastrophizes, or is constructive?
o Are you planning communication in bite size chunks that make it easy to say and easy to take on board?
o Are you conscious of the needs of those you are communicating with and how to get on their wavelength?
o Are you having courageous conversations?
Sometimes we feel we need to be resilient just to survive each day. At other times we need to be resilient to make it through trauma. These 5 areas are where you will find your strengths, your ability to adapt and to enjoy life no matter what. We can't always choose our support crew, but we can learn how to get the most out of what we've got.